Presenting Slate Star Showdex, Act 1, Episode 2.

A black-haired woman steps out onto the back patio of the group home. Her lips are pressed tight and her brow is furrowed.

The woman sees Scott "Slate" Alexander with his back turned toward her. The collar on his trench coat is turned up against the cold, and his left hand fidgets with the brim of the fedora jammed down on his head.

No man with an intellect like Slate Alexander's can go long without having a think.

The woman walks up behind Scott. She puts a hand on his shoulder, and says, "I was told I'd find you out here, mulling things over."

Scott Alexander doesn't speak, but his body goes stiff.

Only now does the woman notice that, under the hat, Scott is wearing a pair of thick earmuffs.

She manages half a smile at her mistake, then tugs down his left 'muff. "Dr. Alexander, it's good to meet you."

Scott Alexander, still stiff with surprise, shuffles a careful 180°. The two stand face-to-face.

I've never been hand-shouldered by someone this attractive, Scott thinks.

"Aaaaah," Scott says.

There is silence. Ten seconds trundle by.

The silence is obliterated by Scott's throat, which rasps a wordless plea. The fearless investigator realizes it's been hours since he had a MealSquare. He fumbles for his pack -- but the black-haired woman is already holding out hers.

The matchless efficiency and unparalleled taste of a genuine MealSquare restores to Scott his vocabulary.

"Unngh. Thank you," he says. "Some days I think I ought to swear off these things all together."

As Scott steps back to get some personal space, he studies the woman closely. "You know who I am, but I don't know you."

The lady brings her own MealSquare to her lips. "I am Sarah Yudkowsky," she says.

Scott involuntarily steps back again. "The Yudkowskys? I would have expected Eliezer, but not his--"

"His sister," says Miss Yudkowsky. "I'm here because Eliezer has gone missing."

Scott steps back a third time, and falls off the porch.

After Dr. Alexander recovers his dignity, he rejoins Miss Yudkowsky in the drawing room.

"Eliezer disappeared a week ago. From Seattle to Shanghai, not one rationalist has seen him," says Miss Yudkowsky. Her face is all distress and confusion.

"Eliezer and I go way back, Miss Yudkowsky. I'll do everything in my power to help him. But right now my power is limited: my patients, few as they are, need me, and apart from one client, the private-eye business has dried up." Scott shudders, recalling the lizardman.

"A Santa Clara psychiatrist, who I trust, owes me a large favor. I'll arrange to have your patients transferred to his practice," Miss Yudkowsky says. "If there are difficulties, my family will solve them. And, as for dried-up business..."

She hands him a fat envelope. "This should moisten it."

Long after Sarah goes away, Slate Alexander opens the envelope. He counts the money, stashes it, and tosses the envelope into the embers. Only then does he lift the phone to dial his secretary's home number.

"I'm sorry to call so late, but mystery keeps its own schedule. Please arrange for me to visit the manor."

This episode of Slate Star Showdex brought to you by:

Beeminder.

They call me Danny, and this is my wife, Bee. You got trouble with wise guys? Me and Bee will take care of 'em. All you got to do is pay what we ask, see?

You shake hands with us, pay us 10¢ tonight and 10¢ each month, and we'll make it known that you're on our good side.

If -- if -- a wise guy bugs you after that? Me and Bee make him buzz off, and you give us a consideration. 5¢ for the first one, then 12¢, 25¢, 50¢, a buck, buck fifty, yadda yadda. The count resets when we get your monthly dough, see?

Not buyin' it? Lemme sizzle ya: each time you pay to give one wise guy a bee-minder, any more wise guys in the next 2 days and we'll take care of 'em onna house.

How 'bout it, chief? Do we got a deal?